The British Are Coming!
by Eternal Headache
Summary: JD has a fever.  A strange, strange fever.


Just a random bit of stupidity that wiggled its way in between my two main bunnies. I'm gonna go hide with said bunnies now….

Title: The British Are Coming  
Category: Gen/humor  
Universe: OW  
Main Characters: JD/Nathan  
Rating/Warning: Not beta'd  
Summary: JD comes down with a fever. A strange, strange fever.

The British Are Coming!

The first inkling that six of the seven lawmen of Four Corners had that something might be wrong was when they observed their seventh member, JD Dunne, racing his horse down main street, screaming at the top of his lungs, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

Buck naked.

At least, it appeared that he was without clothing. He'd been going so fast that none could be entirely certain. Vin jumped on a horse and quickly chased the kid down confirming that, yes indeed, he wore not a single stitch of clothing. Seeing the glazed look in the kid's eye and feeling the heat of his skin, Vin quickly turned him over to Nathan, then he and Chris took the horse back to the Livery, figuring that the boy's clothes would also be there as well.

They found Chris' horse sporting JD's hat and jacket, but the rest of the clothing was nowhere to be found. Except his boots, which had been nailed to the wall. Written below them was in inscription. "Here be the remains of Harold the cow. He was a good cow, but pissed someone off. Poor, poor Harold."

Not sure whether to be amused or concerned, the pair settled for a mixture of both and headed for the Clinic to find out what was going on. Joining the others on the landing outside of Nathan's clinic, they waited patiently until the healer emerged, shaking his head in bewilderment.

"Well, he's definitely sick," the dark skinned man announced. "I'm just not sure what it is he's got. Probably a good idea if ya'll kept your distance for a few days or at least until I figure out what this is."

Chris nodded, handing over JD's hat, jacket and boots. "These were the only clothes we could find. Have no idea what he might have done with the rest of them but Buck can bring some more by later."

Buck nodded agreement, shooting a worried look at the door before turning and following the others back to the Saloon.

77777777777777777

JD made the next few days...interesting. It was mid afternoon the following day when a concerned looking Nathan entered the saloon, looking around carefully. "Something wrong, Nate?" Josiah called from the table where he and the others were lazily enjoying each others company.

"JD," Nathan replied. "I got called out for a few minutes and when I got back, he was gone. Gonna need a little help tracking him down, I think."

Immediately, the rest of the men got up and left the saloon to track down their ill seventh. Acting on a tip from one of the children, Vin signaled the others to join him and they headed for the church.

And there was JD, shirtless, one foot bare, the other covered with a sock, standing in one corner of the room and shaking his finger at a potted plant one of the women had given Josiah to help brighten the place up a bit.

"You're totally full of it!" the kid was admonishing in exasperation. "That's the biggest load of bull I've ever heard in my entire life and I'm a good friend of Buck Wilmington's! The *king* of bullshitters!"

"Uh...JD?" Buck called out, ignoring the slander, as well as the snickers from the others as he approached his young friend. JD turned his head and his eyes lit up.

"Buck!" he exclaimed happily. "Glad you're here! You have to hear this!" He pointed at the plant and said, "This meat head here says that at night, when everyone is asleep, giant potatoes come out and sing lullabies to the horses so they won't sprout wings and fly off! Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard?"

Exchanging bemused glances with the others, Buck said, "Sure is, son. Uh...you *are* aware that you're talking to a plant, aren't you JD?"

JD blinked, looked at the plant, then back at Buck. "You sure about that? I mean, he *does* look a little green which is probably why he's talking nonsense, but other than that..." He looked at the plant suspiciously, then at Nathan. "Hey, Nate! You should take a look at this guy. I don't think he's all that well."

"That would make two of you," Ezra muttered as Nathan moved over to JD and gently took his arm. "I will, kid," he said reassuringly as he guided the younger man back toward the door. "But I want to look at you first. You know, make sure you're catching whatever he has. Don't want anything to interfere in your duties now, do you?"

JD looked up with wide eyes and shook his head. "No, no I sure don't! Good idea, Nathan!" He waved cheerfully back at the others. "See you later guys! I'll buy a round after I get checked out!"

"Don't suppose he'll actually remember saying that later," Vin said with a little grin as the others left the church and headed back to the saloon.

777777777777

The next incident occurred the following night. Ezra had finally retired to his room following a lucrative night and had just removed his jacket when he heard a cooing noise coming from his closet.

"Who's there?" he demanded, quickly drawing his gun and training it on the door. A little giggle was the only response and he frowned as he slowly approached the door. "I warn you, I *am* armed and I *will* shoot," he called out again.

"Shhhh!" came the reply and Ezra raised one of his eyebrows. Cocking the gun, he carefully approached the door, reached out, and threw the door open. A sigh escaped his lips and he lowered his gun, shaking his head. There was JD, once again naked, sitting in his closet and cradling one of his boots.

The boy looked up, giving Ezra a chiding look. "Shhh!" he hissed. "You'll wake them!"

"Wake who, Mr. Dunne?" Ezra asked, then added, "Why are you sitting in my closet with no clothes on?"

"Closet! This ain't no closet!" JD hissed back in agitation. "This is the Moogle sanctuary! I gotta protect them from the Sky Dwellers!" He looked at Ezra suspiciously

"You ain't a Sky Dweller agent are you?"

"No, Mr. Dunne, I can assure you I'm not," Ezra answered, wondering where Nathan was and how JD had managed to give him the slip this time.

JD relaxed a bit, then tense and look up toward the ceiling. "Uh oh! Go away, Ezra! I gotta protect them!" With that, he reached up and pulled the door closed.

Ezra stared at the door for a moment, then sighed and left his room to go find Nathan. Luckily, he only had to go downstairs, where he found the healer once again scanning the room searchingly. "Mr. Jackson," Ezra greeted. "I do believe I have what you are looking for."

"You know where JD is?" Nathan asked, hurrying over to him. "Damn kid slipped out on me again. Can't figure out how. I gave him enough medicine to make him sleep at least 2 days. No way he should be awake right now."

"Yes, well, he's up in my room protecting the Moogles in my closet."

"Moogles? What are Moogles?"

"I have no idea. All I know is that he is in there, once again sans clothing and I would appreciate the liberation of my closet as quickly as possible."

Nathan nodded and the two peacekeepers headed back upstairs to once again retrieve their youngest member.

77777777777777

Nathan had had just about enough. The kid was gone. Again. For some reason, the sleeping teas weren't doing what they were supposed to. He was going to have to resort to something much, much stronger and was going through a list of what he had that might do the trick when he heard his name shouted angrily. He looked up and stopped dead in his tracks, mouth falling open.

Stalking down the street toward him, covered in a white substance and pulling a struggling JD along with him, was a very pissed off Chris Larabee. Buck Wilmington followed along behind, obviously struggling to contain his amusement.

"Goddamit, Nathan!" Chris snarled as they met up. "Tie this damn kid to the bed or next time I catch him I'll throw him in a Goddamn cell until he gets over this thing!"

Nathan looked from Chris to JD, who he discovered was once again shirtless and in bare feet, hands tied in front of him and glaring up balefully at Chris. "W...What happened?"

"JD, uh...took exception to Chris' hat," Buck explained.

"Goddamn hat keeps looking at me!" JD spat angrily, making another attempt to pull out of Chris' iron grip. "Flower blinds them you know!" he said to Nathan. "They can't look at you if you cover them in flower!" He looked back at Chris' hat and growled, then shouted, "Quit looking at me with them beady eyes!"

"Enough!" Chris shouted back, then pushed him into Nathan's arms. "Tie. Him. Down!" the leader growled, waiting until Nathan nodded understanding before turning and stalking away.

Buck watched Chris leave before looking back at Nathan. "I'd better help you with him." Nathan nodded back and the pair once again escorted JD back to the clinic.

7777777777777777

He felt absolutely horrible, though he couldn't remember doing anything to justify the feeling. Although, if he had gotten really drunk, then that would probably be a pretty good reason why he couldn't remember. But why would he have gotten really drunk? Maybe Buck would know. Maybe Buck was the reason he was in such a state. If that was true, he was gonna *kill* that man...

He attempted to move and discovered he couldn't seem to move his hands. He froze, slowly awakening senses trying to figure out what was going on. He moved his legs and found that they seemed to be okay, but something seemed to be holding the rest of him immobile. What the hell...?

"JD?"

Nathan?

"Yeah, it's me. Can you open your eyes for me?"

Could he open his eyes? Well...maybe... He concentrated and, after a few tries, finally managed to open his eyes, slowly blinking Nathan into focus above him. He looked at his friend for a few seconds, then remembered that he couldn't move and decided to use his newly opened eyes to investigate the reason.

"Nathan?" he whispered, jumping at the sound of his own scratchy voice, though his eyes never left the rope that kept him tied to the bed. "Why am I tied down?"

"You been sick, JD," Nathan answered, drawing JD's attention back to him as he felt his forehead and checked in his eyes. "You kept wandering off so I had to tie you down. Reckon you're over the worst of it but you'll probably be here another day or two at least. How you feeling?"

"Like I have the worst hangover in the history of hangovers," JD whispered back. "Can you untie me now?"

Nathan studied him a moment, seeming to search for something, then nodded. "I reckon so." He started to reach for the ropes, then stopped at looked back at JD. "Just answer this, first. What are Moogles, does Chris' hat look at you, and do you object to the whole town seeing you in various states of nakedness?"

JD frowned in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Nathan chuckled and leaned in to undo the ropes. "Never mind. You want some water?"

JD nodded and Nathan fetched a glass, carefully helping JD to sit up and take a few swallows. Laying back down, JD sighed in exhaustion and closed his eyes, ready to go back to sleep. But, before sleep could claim him, his eyes snapped open and he bolted upright in alarm.

Half the town heard, and speculated on, the mortified wail that came from Nathan Jackson's clinic.

END


End file.
